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I am feeling down today. Not sure exactly why but I think it has to do with my facing some hard facts about myself.
I have a wonderul co-worker/friend who is getting married in about a month. A couple of weeks ago, her fiance went on a binge and discovered that he is apparently an alcoholic. I don't know the specifics but it was so bad they thought they were going to have to hospitalize him. Anyway, he is OK and has started AA meetings. They have talked several times and are staying together. I am happy for them. but concerned. The thing is, they have a big wedding planned with an open bar. They both think he can just drink some sparkling cider or something and be fine. They think that they don't have to change anything socially and that she can contiune to drink when they are with friends and he will just have a soda. Seems rather nieve to me but who am I to question?
Anyway, it has made me think about addiciton... my addiction. I am addicted to food. Carbs in particular but actually the sweet taste. I need it and crave it. How do I controll this? There is no 12 step program that I am aware of for carb addicts. When my friend was telling me about her expectation that she can drink when he can't I could not help ut think of how I feel when my dear darling tells me to get him something sweet at the grocery store. it hurts almost like a physical pain to have to look at the desserts and smell them. it sometimes makes me HATE him. That is pretty bad... I see him eating cookies and I actually hate him.
I am going to stay over the weekend in Tampa in a couple of weeks and was looking at cruises. I'd love to go on one. Never have been and just think it would be great. but then I thought about the dessert tables. I could not deal with that.
Part of me thinks I should just give up this WOE and eat whatever I want... Who cares if i am fat and unhealthy. Been there before. SHoot all this and I am still having to take lots of BP medicine. So it is not like I am healthy now. I just want to be normal and not have to struggle. Why is it that my husband can eat whatever he wants in the quantities that he wants and not have any problems at all? i don't want him to have a weight problem or a health problem. But what is wrong with me???
I realize i am being very negative and whining and complaining and all the bad things. I know I need to come to grips with this and jut accept it. I know that to put me first is to try to stay on this path and get to feeling better and looking better and being better. Why is it that it seems rational to me that putting me first would be eating whatever i want? I know it is not rational but it SEEMS rational. Giving into my own desires is putting me first on some level. I know in my heart that i can't give in but I want to soooo badly.
I assume that this realization is something that is necessary. If i did not realize this was a big problem then I would be doomed to repeat the past mistakes. I remember how it started - i could just have one bite of pizza or dessert and then it snowballed into years of overeating and bad health. i don't want that to happen again. Maybe it is good to feel like this. Maybe these are deamons I have to face. Who knows. but i sure am not enjoying the ride... :)
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1282 kcal
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Gras: 89,17g | Prot: 78,86g | Carb: 25,53g.
Colazione: steak, Heavy Whipping Cream, Coffee (Brewed From Grounds) , Heavy Whipping Cream, Coffee (Brewed From Grounds) . Pranzo: baby dill pickles, real mayonnaise , Tomatoes, egg. Cena: broccoli with cheese steamers, pork roast, Ranch Dressing, Tomatoes, Romaine Lettuce, Riesling Wine . Snacks/Altro: water, water, water, water. Di più...
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 Commenti
First, you cannot compare what your body can handle to anybody else. First mistake right there. Just because other people can eat cookies and sweets (my hubby does this night after night) and don't seem to gain weight doesn't mean you can. However when I look at the bigger pictures things look different. Hubby doesn't eat breakfast or lunch. He exists on soda or sweet tea until he comes home at 4pm. Then he usually had a sugary snack and his dinner is carbs and maybe some protein. He will not eat veggies. Because he basically eats just one meal a day he does not gain. Men also burn more calories than women. His job is active, standing moving, working all day. My job is desk jockey. So he's burning off that sugary crap as fast as he can eat it, while if I ate like him, I'd be burning nothing cause I sit on my ass for a job. And you cannot just look at weight either. Quality of life is the major difference I see with my and my hubby. I eat healthy now. I have energy, I don't feel sluggish, tired or bloated. I no longer get sick anymore. By comparison, my hubby sleep 10-12 hours (not productive) he wakes up hacking and coughing (smoker), he calls out sick to work at least once a month for reasons I don't think are valid illness (usually gastro issues that wouldn't occur if he ate properly). He's constantly miserable and down and lacking any drive or motivation to do anything. If he ate properly, his energy would be up and he'd be able to keep up with me. He'd be a better provider if he didn't have to call out sick once a month cause his food choices suck.
I feel for you really i do. There were times on this journey I would go to the store and actually cry because I wanted to buy (insert carb laden sugary treat) and I would spend 15 minutes looking at package and at war with myself in my own head about eating it or not eating it. Eventually, with time away from sweet treats you will find that if you do eat them, they taste too sweet and you will actually not want them. I'm not perfect so I still am tempted by sweet treats, but when I do have them, I feel like crap. My stomach rolls and I get horrid gas when I eat sugar now. Even if it takes longer to change your brain (cravings) your body should be more willing to work with you.
11 ott 11 da utente: icymaiden
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I go through some similar feelings when DH is not on Atkins....he's right there snarfing up all the "goodies" I "can't" have plus I have to buy them for him, as well. It's just not fair, I say to myself. But eventually, my responsible mentality kicks in. I have ZERO power to change anyone else, I can only change my reaction to them and to their actions. You could tell your DH, if you haven't already, that his eating sweet things in front of you is REALLY difficult for you to handle right now. Ask him to buy his own sweet treats. All this is "for now." He may forego his treats for awhile or consume them out of your sight, to support your efforts. Then again, he might not. In the latter case, you need to come up with a plan to get yourself out of the room/house, if necessary, when he's eating them. Perhaps an alternate activity would help you, but the key is you need to let him know how you're being affected and you need a PLAN in case his behavior remains the same. I used to feel seriously deprived, almost like I was being punished, because I couldn't eat certain foods. Now, for the most part, I just feel smug! When I see even now-slim people wolfing down all sorts of foods that I know are bad on almost anyone's diet, I just feel glad that I'm not doing that kind of damage to myself AND I realize that at some point, they WILL pay the price, if not in weight gain, then in diabetes, HBP, etc. Makes me feel kind of superior (maybe not the best attitude, but ya gotta do what you gotta do, right?). LOL! Good luck!
11 ott 11 da utente: Sandy701
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I feel your pain, I do! Nobody can make your choices for you but you. Sandy is right, you can only control what you do, how you react & the choices you make. I feel so lucky, that those around me have adopted low carb (well, for the most part) as well. But, in the beginning, things were not as easy. They had their treats, I had mine. Once they saw how good I was doing, how great I feel shows, plus what I was eating did taste really good. I have the same struggles with sweets as you. I was just talking to a co-worker this morning about the same...just how out of control my food is when I am eating donuts (as example). It is hard to explain just exactly how free I feel from that monster. Being able to have a low carb muffin, just one, & not have the rest of them drive me nuts until I ate them all still makes me smile. So, when I bake, I bake LOTS & freeze. I freeze cheesecake, muffins, breads & pizza...all low carb. So, at my house if you want a sweet treat, it's low carb or go get your own! There is no 12 step program, just us! I hope we are helping you get through this rough patch.
11 ott 11 da utente: gg-girl
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Thanks. I know you are both correct. Maybe this mood will pass soon. I can't help but wonder if I need to put some stevia in my coffee or something. I was using splenda and plenty of sugar free syrups in my coffee. It gave me a sweet treat every morning and I did not feel the need to have anythig else. Now, I cut out the splenda pretty much (only have it when I make a MIM) and drink my coffee with just cream. I am trying to stay away from the diet soda also. Can't help but wonder if staying away from the sweet taste is having a negative consequense for me. but then again, it may make me crave sweets more... Oh well..... I will figure it out someday I hope. Thanks for your help.
11 ott 11 da utente: esimnons
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Thanks gg... the thing is, the low car treats are not something I can control. I have not splurged on real sugar. It is the low carb stuff that is causing the problems. No 1 muffin at a whack for me... I eat them ALL. aAll the while knowing i don't really want to do this but unable to control myself. I even hide what i am doing... It is bad.
11 ott 11 da utente: esimnons
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Hang in there, it is worth the fight... I like the way icymaiden and sandy think. They way I look at it is I had 42 years of eating whatever I wanted, now I have to eat what is good for me :) It is definatley hard but worth it in the end. Good Luck on your journey. Stay Strong!!!!
11 ott 11 da utente: ltxfootballmom
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Esim, I think the trigger for you is eating them at all. I also have issues with sugar free candy. Serving size on most is between 2-4 pieces. I eat double or triple that if I start. I eat them till the bag is gone. The air bubbles forming in my tummy don't stop me either. I went from needing chocolates at "that time" and only eating them one week out of the month, to every single day and I still am eating them every day. Just like any addiction a clean break must happen for you (and for me). For 1 week I will challenge you to no sugar free treats (and I will do it with you cause I have the same issue and I'm out of sugar free candy as of last night) and when that sweet craving hits chew gum. 1 stick, till your mouth is tired of chewing and you just can't chew more. If your brain tells you that you must have sweet, say no. It's not forever, can't you just get thru this one day without it? Then the next day repeat. You got thru yesterday without a sweet item, what is one more day? Seriously like an addict it's a one day at a time issue.
11 ott 11 da utente: icymaiden
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Sounds like a good plan. I will join you. I have to join you whether I really want to or not :) But should I allow myself some splenda or stevia? I am thinking no on the Splenda but am not as certain on the Stevia.... if it is the sugar receptor in my brain that is the culprit, I am thinking even stevia is bad but if it is something related to artificial stuff, Stevia should be OK. I am thinking to stay away from both for a while....
11 ott 11 da utente: esimnons
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Hmm I didn't think about the splenda. I usually just have a small amount in one cup of coffee early in the morning. Then I drink water all the rest of the day. I have no experience with Stevia. My sweet cravings are always at night, after dinner. I personally will cut back on the splenda (i will try without tomorrow and see how it goes, can't go w/o coffee) and I will make sure this friday I don't have more coffee (which i usually do on friday nights) so I won't have more sweetner than I'm supposed to. We can break this sweet addiction.
11 ott 11 da utente: icymaiden
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Storia del Peso di esimnons
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