Diario di esimnons

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03 ottobre 2011

It is Monday morning and a beautiful day here. I love the cool temerature and beautiful blue sky. This weekend was a good one and I painted fence for about 5 hours on Saturday. DId yard work on Sunday by chopping the polk Salad and privet hedge that was growing in the fence and around the trees, My arms back legs etc are all tired and sore. I am sure it is good for me but :) I'd rather not be tired and sore.

I have to say that things are not going well for me these days on the WOE. It has been very hard to stay on track the last week or so. Part of it amay be due to the change in routine. Weekend before last was a whirlind trip to Texas and back. This past week was spent driving everyday to Birmingham for work and not having the normal expense account for food. I just did not eat at all for lunch and then ate when I got home. I know these are not good things and are excuses. Mayabe they are not excuses in as much as they are slipping back to my old WOE. I have also not journaled much at all and not kept up with my food tracker as much as I normally do. I have been extremely busy with work and life but I am wondering why am I too busy for myself? Why have I not journaled or kept up with my food when i know it is good for me to do so? I have also turned to sugar alchohols for comfort. Had no sugar added ice cream and purchases some carb conscious protein bars. I have been feeling really bad in the morning and the bars seem to help. My guess is that I feel bad because I am not eating well. At least in part. but it really has too much similarity to the vertigo symptoms and Blood Pressure issues for me to be certain of that. but still - i am certain the food has something to do with it too.

I think i sound a bit down today but I really am not. I just am trying to figure out why I seem to be slowly sabotaging myself. Is it because I feel I have reached my goal? I have not. Is it because my husband seems to think i have reached my goal and should be "back to normal?" I know this is normal for me. Why would I let this WOE change back to "normal"? I can't help but think it is actually related to fear and lack of knowledge. I believe that I need to start going onto OWL. With my lack of structure and hate of planning, I think I just have loosened up my WOE and am hoping that all will be well. That is nothing more than stupidity. I know that I have to be diligent and slow when adding back carbs.... but that knowledge has not worked its way into my life just yet.

I have not weighted myself because I am scared to do so. First it was because I did not have batteries for my Wii. Then it was because I had not been able to go to the bathroom for about a week and I knew I did not want to see the pounds under that condition. This morning, I still did not get on and it was simple fear. I don't want to see a gain and I expect that i will. In addition to the ice cream and bars, I have been drinking Diet Mountain Dew and Diet pepsi with little to no water. How stupid can I be??? I know better. Why have I not been better?

I know all I can do is get back on the wagon but we all know how hard that is. I am trying to get started back down the right path today. I can only hope that I take my 'dunce hat' off and get back to business. I know I have friend who have lost an amaing amount of weight and have been at this for a much longer time than I have. What caused you to keep it up? How did you motivate yourself to succeed day after day?

I just can't seem to find the time to put myself first in life or maybe I am putting myself first and my health last. Maybe I feel as if I have been at it long enough and my health is still not responding as I wanted it to. Maybe the sweet ice cream is me putting my wants and desires first. Am I that shallow a person? Maybe so... We all know I have not added in the exercise that I know I need. Ive had plenty of reasons and excuses but no actual progress toward a healtier life. Maybe I amdown today - did not think so.... But I do need to think about things a bit......

(5 commenti)

27 settembre 2011

Have not been avoiding my journal.. Just really busy.

Food has not been wonderful. I have been making choices and not choosing poorly with what i eat but not eating correctly either. I know I need to get back to basics. Spent the entire weekend on the road to Texas and home. Working like crazy too. Routine is off because I am working from a site about an hour from home and am therefore not 'travelling'. Have to go home each night and spend my own money so things are not normal this week. I will get it figured out though. Today I brought some yogurt for breakfast and had some for lunch also. Not enough. I am starving! I will hopefully have some good carbs tonight but not certain about that. need to go grocery shopping but as i said, routine is off.

i will try to update mmore tomorrow. hope all my friends are well.

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19 settembre 2011

I feel as if i have been run over with a truck!!!! I had a agood weekend with the dear darling. We ended up staying in South Carolina for the weekend. We went with friends to a bull riding event on Saturday night and then brought a load of bulls home Sunday. When we got home, we had to get the bulls settled in seperate pens (some of the fight) and get them food and water. I must have gone up and down the hill a hundered time (it felt that way anyway) and to make it worse, it was HOT and I was totally wet with sweat when I got finished. Plus, you have to wrroy about Dot Dot stalking you the entire time - very stressful. But it is a good stress I think... I love my bulls :) And my favorite fellow Dexter came home for a few days. I really really love that guy. He is huge and so sweet. Anyway - I went shopping on Saturday. We went to the Gap outlet and I tried what seemed like a hundred pairs of jeans. Well guess who purchased size 8 jeans??!!!! Can you believe it??? I really can't. And I know that I am really more of a size 10 or even 12 because I had on 10 jeans when I was shopping and they are tight. but the new GAP jeans have a 1% spandex fibre in them and that is probably why I wa in the 8s. Still - it feels so good I can't tell you! Plus, you know that an 8 is also a 29. That means that I can probably get my 29 miss me jeans very soon.

All of this creates a problem too. Well a few problems. First - I know I am not at a healthy weight. The wii still tells me I am overweight and it looks as if I need to loose another 10 pounds or so to get in the normal range. Second, I can still feel a good bit of fat on my body. So now I just don't know what to have as a goal. And on top of all that - it feels asa if I should be happy to be at this weight and be free. not sure what i want to be free of but I have a fear that it is eating correctly. Now I do know that this is a lifestyle change and a choice that I have made and have committed myself to. All that is in my head and my heart. But something in my body is still not convinced. I am just going to keep on keeping on and try to make sure the little devil on my shoulder that is telling me some carbs sound nice and that I deserve them does NOT WIN!!!!!

I did weigh this morning and I have not lost anything in 2 weeks. My guess is that it is likely due to my not eaating enough over the weekend and not getting the water in that I need. I have already started with breakfast this morning and have water ready to start drinking. I am suposed to be home for a few weeks for work and will be able to get into a habit hopefully. The thing that always makes life difficult is the weekends. I think we are driving back to Texas on Thursday night and will be back home on Sunday. That always spells disaster for getting food and water in my body. But I do promise that i do not cheat. I don't eat food that I know I can't eat.

I also have to say that my happiness experiment is going well. I have been telling myself each morning that i am going to have a happy day and it is really helping. I am trying to let things work themselves out and not stress over them as much - all things personal and work. And life is looking pretty good these days... it may have something to do with the cooler weather too :) but whatever - all is well.

I hope everyone has a wonderful day today :)

(16 commenti)

19 settembre 2011

Peso:	Perso fino ad ora:	Rimanenti:	Dieta seguita:
79,8 kg	20,0 kg	11,8 kg	Abbastanza buono

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14 settembre 2011

It is again a beautiful day here. I am not feeling wonderful today but am trying to not let that get me down... My Dr changed my BP medicine in order to get it back down and to get my heart beat down. The new medicine is starting to take effect and makes me feel awful. My BP was 89/61 this morning with a heart rate of 85. This is much lower than it has been so it causes me to feel lethargic. I will get better I am sure. I just have to find the right mix of drugs again....

This morning we noticed a beautiful little park across the street from the coffee shop. I am thinking about trying to go there this evening and take a little walk. It will be good for me. It all depends on how much work I need to do. I have so much now that I have been working in the evenings from my room (not my normal thing). Worked about 2 hours last night and am just trying to get caught up....

This weekend I am told we may go to a bull bucking event. Apparently I am to meet the dear darling in SC Friday afternoon. Should be a good thing. I am excited to go see the ranch that an aquaintance has there in SC.

I have not told the DD about the promotion potential. May not do so until an announcement is made. Don't need him putting pressure on me about it or getting mad that i don't get it. I am almost certain that the Manager job is not mine..... yet. But who knows... As long as I get the other job I will be satisfied - not happy because I want the manager job but I will get that eventually. I also think that it would require moving back to Texas and I don't want to do that. The boss did not say so yesterday but it has been said in the past - I love my little ranch and don't want to leave it. Also don't think it would be very good for the future of my marriage. But I honestly believe what happens will be what is meant to happen and I am going to be happy with whatever that is.

That is my goal - to be happy with what I have, who I am and whatever is to be. :)

Today, I am just happy to be alive. It is so beautiful here. I have a job that pays me well to do things that I am good at. That should make me estatic given the new statistics on people in poverty. What a sad thing for our nation.

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